Pirates of the Caribbean 5 + The Problem of Modern Collecting
Personal Update
This blog was written to Hans Zimmer & James Newton Howard's Batman Begins Score
This week, I had a fun time going over some epic graphic novels like LOW, SAGA, and the New 52 Batman. They're all good. However, there is one sore spot that I absolutely had to address...this is something I was actively avoiding in the theatres because I had my doubts. Get settled. It's time to talk about one of the worst films I've seen in recent memory. In short: my doubts and fears were confirmed.
REVIEW
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES
Director: Joachim Ronning & Espen Sandberg
Writer: Jeff Nathanson
Actors: Johnny Depp, Javier Bardem, Geoffrey Rush, Brenton Thwaites, & Kaya Scodelario
Running Time: 129min
Originally, I was going to discuss my admiration for a graphic novel series I've been enjoying lately...but then, after watching Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, I knew what I had to do. This film is spawned from the worst kind of filth Hollywood has to offer. It does nothing but re-trudge old ground and once again proves that Jack Sparrow isn't as interesting of a character without interesting and talented co-stars. In this fifth iteration, the film is still banking on the success of the original film, while trying to tie up another train-wreck in the series: the third film. I remember being so disgusted with the cheap story that I actually made a presentation with slides to showcase exactly how At Worlds' End could be made. It had very bad spelling, but my anger over the film's ever-encircling plot (thanks to the Writers' Strike) never wavered. However, I am not angry with this film.
Unsurprisingly, I am quite disappointed.
It is often easy to tell when one is actually trying to make a genuinely interesting and entertaining film. This film sure does try, but unfortunately never quite passes the bar that any of the other four have set up for it. With each passing film, the Pirates of the Caribbean series feels more and more outdated. Each film has become marginally worse than the one before it. The best thing that I can say about this particular story is that it tries to tie up the loose end of Will Turner's curse to the Flying Dutchman. Will and Elizabeth's son is looking for the fabled trident of Poseidon to break the curse and somehow manages to involve the ever underwhelming Jack Sparrow in one of the most boring high-seas adventures ever. The entire plot feels forcibly thrown together and has the subtlety of a new student violinist. My girlfriend texted me halfway through this film and asked how it was. My exact words were, "I don't even care." Good job, movie.
1/5 - Effort
PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD MEN TELL NO TALES
Writer: Jeff Nathanson
Originally, I was going to discuss my admiration for a graphic novel series I've been enjoying lately...but then, after watching Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales, I knew what I had to do. This film is spawned from the worst kind of filth Hollywood has to offer. It does nothing but re-trudge old ground and once again proves that Jack Sparrow isn't as interesting of a character without interesting and talented co-stars. In this fifth iteration, the film is still banking on the success of the original film, while trying to tie up another train-wreck in the series: the third film. I remember being so disgusted with the cheap story that I actually made a presentation with slides to showcase exactly how At Worlds' End could be made. It had very bad spelling, but my anger over the film's ever-encircling plot (thanks to the Writers' Strike) never wavered. However, I am not angry with this film.
Unsurprisingly, I am quite disappointed.
It is often easy to tell when one is actually trying to make a genuinely interesting and entertaining film. This film sure does try, but unfortunately never quite passes the bar that any of the other four have set up for it. With each passing film, the Pirates of the Caribbean series feels more and more outdated. Each film has become marginally worse than the one before it. The best thing that I can say about this particular story is that it tries to tie up the loose end of Will Turner's curse to the Flying Dutchman. Will and Elizabeth's son is looking for the fabled trident of Poseidon to break the curse and somehow manages to involve the ever underwhelming Jack Sparrow in one of the most boring high-seas adventures ever. The entire plot feels forcibly thrown together and has the subtlety of a new student violinist. My girlfriend texted me halfway through this film and asked how it was. My exact words were, "I don't even care." Good job, movie.
1/5 - Effort
Releases of the Week
The following are all of the film and video game releases from May 14th to 20th, 2018.
Films*
May 18th
- Book Club
- Cater & June
- Dark Crimes
- Deadpool 2⭐
- First Reformed
- The Hollow Child
- How to Talk to Girls at Parties
- Hurricane Bianca: From Russia with Hate
- The Most Unknown
- On Chesil Beach
- Pope Francis - A Man of His Word
- Show Dogs⭐
- That Summer
⭐High-Profile Release
*List Credit: Metacritic
Video Games**
May 14th
- The Mystery of the Hudson Case (Switch)
May 15th
- The Adventures of Elena Temple (Switch)
- Asemblance: Oversight (PS4)
- Battle Chasers: Nightwar (Switch)
- The Council – Episode Two: “Hide and Seek” season pass early access (PS4, Xbox One, PC)⭐
- Dragon’s Crown Pro (PS4)⭐
- Forgotton Anne (PS4, Xbox One, PC)
- Gonner (PS4)
- Hitman: Definitive Edition (PS4, Xbox One, PC)⭐
- Horizon Chase Turbo (PS4, PC, Mac, Linux)
- Little Witch Academia: Chamber of Time (PS4, PC)
- Omensight (PS4, PC)
- Penguin Wars (PS4, Xbox One, Switch)
- Shin Megami Tensei: Strange Journey Redux (3DS)⭐
- Wizard Of Legend (PS4, Xbox One, Switch, PC, Mac, Linux)
May 16th
- Budget Cuts (PC, Rift, Vive)
- Lily’s Epic Quest For Lost Gems (Xbox One)
- MachiaVillain (PC, Mac, Linux)
- Son of a Witch (PC, Mac, Linux)
May 17th
- The Council – Episode Two: “Hide and Seek” (PS4, Xbox One, PC)⭐
- Fairune Collection (Switch, PC)
- Far: Lone Sails (PC, Mac)
- For Honor – Season Six: “Hero’s March” (PS4, Xbox One, PC)⭐
- Fox n Forests (PS4, Xbox One, Switch, PC, Mac, Linux)
- Framed Collection (Switch, PC, Mac, Linux)
- Invisiballs (Switch)
- Worlds Adrift Early Access (PC)
- Yonder: The Cloud Catcher Chronicles (Switch)
May 18th
- Henry the Hamster Handler (Switch)
- Hyrule Warriors: Definitive Edition (Switch)⭐
- Little Nightmares: Complete Edition (Switch)⭐
- Monster Slayers (Xbox One)
- State of Decay 2 Ultimate Edition pre-order early access (Xbox One, PC)⭐
⭐High-Profile Release
**List Credit: EGM
Retro Spotlight
AKIRA (1988)
Akira is an emotional romp of a film that delivers in every category: compelling mystery, complex neo-noire sci-fi, and a great story of friendship, bullying, and redemption. The film effortlessly portrays the darker side of humanity with a story founded upon government secrets going awry. Who can ever forget the epic climactic confrontation (and shouting matches) between Tetsuo and Kaneda? The signature bike that is used in every marketing ploy was even featured in Ready Player One and was a nice nod to this accomplished anime feature. What can I say? This film ages pretty well too and served as the basis for the popularity of anime to rise in the West. If you've never seen this film, please watch it. Seriously: this is the basis of so many incredible things and this film is an undeniable gem for its time and in society today.
Retro Grade: 5/5
Modern Grade: 5/5
Akira is an emotional romp of a film that delivers in every category: compelling mystery, complex neo-noire sci-fi, and a great story of friendship, bullying, and redemption. The film effortlessly portrays the darker side of humanity with a story founded upon government secrets going awry. Who can ever forget the epic climactic confrontation (and shouting matches) between Tetsuo and Kaneda? The signature bike that is used in every marketing ploy was even featured in Ready Player One and was a nice nod to this accomplished anime feature. What can I say? This film ages pretty well too and served as the basis for the popularity of anime to rise in the West. If you've never seen this film, please watch it. Seriously: this is the basis of so many incredible things and this film is an undeniable gem for its time and in society today.Editorial
The Problem of Modern Collecting
No, the problem is not the act of collecting itself, although we'll get to that shortly. There are a number of things about collecting that can bring people joy. There is, for example, a deep satisfaction of displaying a collection and adding to that display over time. If one collects films and intends to do a marathon of a series, it is far easier to have easy access to all of the films via your collection than having to search for them and stall that epic marathon. Of course, there's also a fundamental problem here.
Collecting is EXPENSIVE.
If you want to collect graphic novels, you're looking at an average $20 CAD for each volume. To buy a series of 10 volumes...well, it's not cheap, but you're also ok with paying that if you enjoy the series, the writing, and the art. I've been collecting things since I was little. It started with a rock collection that I was told was getting out of hand, so I eventually scaled it back to a basket and then a precious 2 or 3 noteworthy pieces. After that, I moved onto my first true collection: the one I saved all of my allowance for when allowance was first realized in my home. Fans of LEGO from the early 2000s will instantly be familiar with the IP known as BIONICLE. Standing for "Biological Chronicle," which really means "life," (I guess) the story centered around six heroes who were to rid a magical island from a dark influence. The story is what kept me invested in the toys and related media for 6 years (despite the first 3 being the best). After I lost interest in the direction of the story (which seemed to be grasping at straws near the end), the new toys quickly followed. I chose to end the collection on my own and never looked back after it was done. You see, that's an important thing when collecting anything: you need to know how to end the collection and end it on your own terms. If not, it can become something far more dangerous: obsession.
Since then, I've moved on to a couple of other collections. Throughout high school, I was gainfully employed, but ended up spending way more than I should have on films and video games. I can't say I kept everything I bought from back then, but I am sure happy I have convenient access to those films and games now. I've mostly levelled off because of a problem I encountered with modern collecting.
SPACE.
It may be the entire vastness of the final frontier, but it's also finite when trying to live a generally clutter-free lifestyle. I organize my video games on shelves in their original jewel cases along with Blu-Rays, TV Shows, Books, and movie boxed-sets. That's six shelves with everything sorted by media type and then alphabetically. After all is said and done, there isn't much room for us to put much else. My girlfriend and I are both big book-lovers and all of our bookshelves are filled with tons of books. We literally have to tailor these collections to the space that we have. To that end, I made a deal with my girlfriend to stop buying physical video games once I reach the maximum space those shelves have to offer. Yes, I said physical games...but honestly, it barely matters because my hard drive space will be depleted at the same time as the shelves (because you have to install all new games now onto hard drives anyways). DVDs take up space, be they for films or TV shows.
Once upon a time, I had an issue with digital media as it basically lost the concept of displaying what you have. After all, for every good collection, there is an equally impressive display of said collection. Digital collections lose that display aesthetic in favour of gaining back physical space in your home. However, increased physical space can also lead to a feeling of less clutter. It's a paradox and you need to know how to tailor your collection to the space you have. The best way to go about doing this is regularly reviewing what you wish to purchase and what you own. Being picky pays off as does ensuring that your overall collection is organized in a way that makes logical sense to you. I alphabetize EVERYTHING because that's what works for me. So, what is the problem of modern collecting? Space. Know how to end your collections or consolidate them to a manageable size. That's the main takeaway. What do you think?
Have a Great Week!
SF
Collecting is EXPENSIVE.
If you want to collect graphic novels, you're looking at an average $20 CAD for each volume. To buy a series of 10 volumes...well, it's not cheap, but you're also ok with paying that if you enjoy the series, the writing, and the art. I've been collecting things since I was little. It started with a rock collection that I was told was getting out of hand, so I eventually scaled it back to a basket and then a precious 2 or 3 noteworthy pieces. After that, I moved onto my first true collection: the one I saved all of my allowance for when allowance was first realized in my home. Fans of LEGO from the early 2000s will instantly be familiar with the IP known as BIONICLE. Standing for "Biological Chronicle," which really means "life," (I guess) the story centered around six heroes who were to rid a magical island from a dark influence. The story is what kept me invested in the toys and related media for 6 years (despite the first 3 being the best). After I lost interest in the direction of the story (which seemed to be grasping at straws near the end), the new toys quickly followed. I chose to end the collection on my own and never looked back after it was done. You see, that's an important thing when collecting anything: you need to know how to end the collection and end it on your own terms. If not, it can become something far more dangerous: obsession.
Since then, I've moved on to a couple of other collections. Throughout high school, I was gainfully employed, but ended up spending way more than I should have on films and video games. I can't say I kept everything I bought from back then, but I am sure happy I have convenient access to those films and games now. I've mostly levelled off because of a problem I encountered with modern collecting.
SPACE.
It may be the entire vastness of the final frontier, but it's also finite when trying to live a generally clutter-free lifestyle. I organize my video games on shelves in their original jewel cases along with Blu-Rays, TV Shows, Books, and movie boxed-sets. That's six shelves with everything sorted by media type and then alphabetically. After all is said and done, there isn't much room for us to put much else. My girlfriend and I are both big book-lovers and all of our bookshelves are filled with tons of books. We literally have to tailor these collections to the space that we have. To that end, I made a deal with my girlfriend to stop buying physical video games once I reach the maximum space those shelves have to offer. Yes, I said physical games...but honestly, it barely matters because my hard drive space will be depleted at the same time as the shelves (because you have to install all new games now onto hard drives anyways). DVDs take up space, be they for films or TV shows.
Once upon a time, I had an issue with digital media as it basically lost the concept of displaying what you have. After all, for every good collection, there is an equally impressive display of said collection. Digital collections lose that display aesthetic in favour of gaining back physical space in your home. However, increased physical space can also lead to a feeling of less clutter. It's a paradox and you need to know how to tailor your collection to the space you have. The best way to go about doing this is regularly reviewing what you wish to purchase and what you own. Being picky pays off as does ensuring that your overall collection is organized in a way that makes logical sense to you. I alphabetize EVERYTHING because that's what works for me. So, what is the problem of modern collecting? Space. Know how to end your collections or consolidate them to a manageable size. That's the main takeaway. What do you think?
Have a Great Week!
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